Pirate of The Caribbean you aint.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ah yes the human spirit. . The unbeatable giant that rests deep within us all. Some deeper than others of course, but it's there just the same in each and every one of us.

We hear about it all the time. Even with all the horrible tragedies and murder suicides that seem to plague the news rolls daily. Despite all the political scandals and stories about animal cruelty, you can't watch the news long before you get that one heartwarming story of human triumph to even things out for you. The real feel good stories. You know the ones , the stories that are almost too outrageous to be true, but sure enough there it is on tape lifting your spirits and making want to be a better person.

Like when that guy sawed off his own arm to free himself of a fallen boulder. Or when that 11 year old girl got trapped in a flash flood and subsequently got sucked down a storm drain. Only to emerge three blocks away completely among the living. Or the time Sandra Bullock dyed her hair and set out to rescue an innocent giganto from the mean streets Memphis and turn him into a football star. Yeah , and the best part is that all those wonderful stories are completely 100% true!

Sadly , so is this one.   

Man stuck on island for five days had cell phone

read the full story here

 

What started out as yet another story of human endurance and the will of the human spirit quickly turned out to be far more comical. Too bad , I hate it when a good story gets ruined by the truth. Oh no wait , (giggle) I love it, and this one is pretty good.

 

A 54 year old artist from Encino, CA found himself all Tom Hank'sd on a tiny swath of land called Roe Island after failing to successfully captainise his tiny rubber raft from the Sacremento River all the way out to the Golden Gate bridge. Upon becoming stranded Brian "Goat Man" Hopper's survival instincts kicked right on in to fifth gear. He survived on some vitamins he'd brought with him as well as some of the native foliage and the two ( count em two) burritos he had packed for the trip. Hell, he even managed to fashion himself a makeshift S.O.S. sign with some duct tape and a red table cloth.

 

 

One can only assume that the duct tape was brought along just in case his $300 inflatable raft sprung a leak. As for the table cloth ? Who doesn't like a nice solo picnic underneath the Golden Gate bridge ? I know I do. So in this fashion the "Goat Man" survived for five days on his deserted island despite a lack of food , clean drinking water and by all reports some horrible weather.

 

The problem of course is this ............HE HAD A CELLPHONE THE WHOLE TIME!

When asked why he didn't use it sooner he replied , and I quote ,

 

"I was embarrassed to be stranded on an island" and "I thought I could fix my boat and make it to land ... I didn't want to spend the taxpayers' money to have the Coast Guard come rescue some stupid guy."

 

Well at least that's a good reason, shame, I can dig that. But there is nothing shameful about being shipwrecked, it's been happening to sailors longer than scurvy. So why the big sense of impending embarrassment ? Perhaps it had something to do with his ships manifest of supplies.

 

camping supplies, two burritos, a bag of vitamins, a bible, and a mannequin of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

HEY-OOOOOOO there it is! A mannequin of the Govenator , a tent , some curious "vitamins" , just enough burritos for two and a Bible, just to keep it all holy. Right then , that's completely normal.

Just one question. Sir, were you or were you not , planning to slip a roofie into a homemade burrito and feed it to an inanimate likeness of Arnold Swartzenager with the criminal intent of getting biblical on that ass?

 

 

Yeah , "Goat Man" indeed. The "man's" story goes as follows.

"This trip was a campaign,"--- "I wanted to bring more attention to social diseases."

Uh huh , it sounds to me like you had more than a few social diseases with you in that raft. I think I would have eatin that cell phone before even thinking of calling for help.



this has been a Hapa-Blap